May 2013
1 post
Help
I don’t know what to do anymore….
January 2012
2 posts
Well this is awkward...
This one called “Mess of a Mind” is NOT the blog to follow… redirect yourself here to my main one! :) —-> http://ohwhatabeautifulworld.tumblr.com/
Stuff
Looking back through all my posts makes me want to write a book about my psychotic, complicated life. Almost all of my posts are private, which doesn’t really make it fun for any one else to look back, but boy have I been on a rollercoaster. I’ve always wanted to write a book about my life, but the problem is, I would loose the life I currently live. My life would slowly evolve as...
March 2011
1 post
Hi again.
So I kinda got over tumblr… not gonna lie. But I’m sitting here in Coffee Bean thinking it would be nice to do a little daily entry again, even if it’s short. Gotta keep tabs on myself!!
Anyways, I’m in coffee bean killing time on stumbleupon because my house is being videotaped today because it’s being sold. And I got a passion iced tea because when I came in I was...
July 2010
2 posts
Fuck You.
I just wanna fucking leave, I’m so over this shit.
Truth is...
I’m tired of fucking up, I’m tired of relapsing. I’m going to the hospital. I overdosed on my birthday and I’ve been sick since. I’m sick of this bullshit. I’m really upset and I currently hate myself right now. I’ve fucked up everything and it sucks. I’m really sorry :(
June 2010
4 posts
“A hopeless suicidal, that’s all she’ll ever be…”
ASKDHJA!!!
It’s 12am… I’m up!!!! Can’t sleeeeeeep!!! On a caffine high!! I have nothing else to do…. so I decided to tumble hahahahahasdkjasdaklshd1!!! yeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee
Positive!!
I’m sooooooo much better right now!!! I’m feeling great about life for once! I got a new karaokee game for Wii, gotta a new motherfucking KITE, doing a lot better with my friends and shit, and feeling pretty good emotionally! I’m ready now to do this shit the right way. I want it all. All of the good! Let that shit flow into me cuz my goddamn arms are wideeeee open! You know,...
May 2010
8 posts
I hate you.
Fuck it. I’m over all of this fucking bullshit yo. Sobriety is becoming an impossible miracle that I’m never gonna be able to achieve. I want to run away so that I can use all the fuck I want and be left the fuck alone. I can fuck up and do everything wrong and I’m not gonna have any one who’s gonna breathe down my fucking neck and take everything away from me. I’m...
“Fuck you.”
– Me…
Hint
Ha, if only almost all my posts weren’t private… then you’d know what’s REALLY going on!
Parents...
I don’t fucking get it! >:/ My parents say they’re getting divorced, file the fucking papers and everything, but they’re still fucking together! What the fuck! Just get a motherfucking divorce already and stop sending me and Katie mixed messages! My dad has stayed the night for the past few nights… even though he has his own fucking house. And yea in their old...
Ramble
Today was my last day on suspension, which means tomorrow I have to fucking return to school :l. This really fucking sucks ha. I got lazy as hell while I was suspended, didn’t have to do shit and I liked it! But now I’ve gotta fucking return? Fuck you school system ha.
I want to a meeting with my dad tonight, which was the first time we had ever gone together. It was really weird and...
Another Beautiful Plan
So I have another fucking wonderful plan! I’m real fed up with all the bullshit here in motherfucking San Marcos, CA. Like, I’m done. Australia has always been my sorta final destinartion, but that really isn’t as possible as I’d like it to be right now. I just wanna get the fuck out of here right now though. And quite frankly, San Francisco ain’t sounding like too...
The Thrills of Suspension
So if you ever thought suspension would be fun (don’t worry, so did I), you’re fucking wrong :l…. Suspension is the most boring shit I’ve ever had to do. It’s like, I don’t really know what to do with myself! Everyone is in school so it’s not like I can just call some one up and be like “Holler!” Instead I just kinda sit here at home all day,...
April 2010
4 posts
...and the result
Sooooooooo I’m a fucking idiot, I already know that, no need for reminders. I followed through with my brilliant fucking plan! Which consequently ended with an arrest and a 5 day suspension, and that’s just the fucking beginning… I’m getting charged for theft, drinking and driving, minor in possession, and being drunk in public. Yeah, whata fucking list, I know....
Change of Mind...
I woke up this morning and I don’t want to drink nearly as bad as last night. In fact I really don’t want to drink at all. Except this new impulse is sweeping over me, and now I just want to fucking steal a bottle. I planned this out last night; there’s a discount rack at Albertsons and there’s some cheapo, gasoline-like vodka on it. The rack is like the only place in the...
So, I’m craving like a motherfucker right now… I’m imagining how fucking wonderful it would be to get a hold of a handle and be drunk for allllll of tomorrow. And then my mind goes, “Well fuck Nikki, you’re gonna need 2, no fucking 6, handles then!” And that there, my friend, is the reason that I’m a motherfucking alcoholic. Honestly though, I fucking MISS...
I feel like shit.
Confessions make me sick. I know, I know, then why sin in the first place? Well, fuck you! Haha. Whatever fuck this. I just wanna smoke some weed, but I can’t….. :/
